


sunflowers, cherry blossoms and lilacs

by rainynana



Series: renmin, the moon and the sun [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Art, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, M/M, Misunderstandings, Na Jaemin is Still Whipped, Please Don't Hate Me, Texting, Thunderstorms, and please protect huang renjun, i literally need all of those bc honestly, i'm sorry but its inevitable with me ok, na jaemin is a coward, renjun is just a hurt little baby, this has a kinda sad ending BUT DO NOT FEAR im working on another part ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-11 04:59:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15965222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainynana/pseuds/rainynana
Summary: Jaemin finally comes to terms with his feelings but still manages to screw it up. Renjun is just a boy who's been hurt one too many times by the world and simply cannot find it in himself to care anymore (he does, he cares deeply about Jaemin)Sequel to "i like it when you sleep (for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it)”





	sunflowers, cherry blossoms and lilacs

**Author's Note:**

> hey! a lot (for me ok) of people wanted a sequel to my other renmin fic so i sat down and tried to think of something and this is what happened. it's angsty because apparently i can't write a long story without angst (it’s a problem really) but there's a lot of fluff in the beginning AND i promise the last part will be super fluffy. i'm planning one part more and i might post a seperate epilogue... anyways take this barely edited piece of trash siGH i rly hope people like it

Rounded cheeks, shining gold under the beams of sunlight peeking through the fogged up window.

 

Dark lashes, seemingly going on forever fluttering slightly as the beams move upwards to tickle at his nose.

 

Dark curtain bangs, silky and a bit tousled from sleep and the boy beside him running his fingers affectionately through it.

 

Button nose, scrunching as the beams get stronger and more desperate to bring the poor boy back from dream land.

 

Pinkish lips, parted and thereby displaying the upper row of teeth, specifically the crooked tooth that the other boy can’t help but coo at whenever it becomes visible causing the owner to flush a pretty shade of peachy pink.

 

The dark lashes flutter again, eyelids slowly blinking open and the beams of sunlight can deem it’s mission successful. Chocolate softly blended with charcoal pupils flicker around the sunlit room, a rare instance for their otherwise permanently rain clouded small town. The room’s white walls has turned a warm yellow tone, the color honey blended with sunlight would be. The bedsheets are gifted a citrus shade, instantly making the boy think of summer and vintage lemonade stands. The room is bathing in different shades of yellow and it creates the illusion of warmth but Jaemin wouldn’t move from his spot even if the room was on fire. Not with Renjun cutely rubbing his eyes in confusion, then looking at the boy in front of him with a sleep-dazed look. His expression is one Jaemin wants to freeze up and keep it in a glass bottle so he can relive this moment when it’s a thing of his past and not his tomorrow.

 

“Good morning sleepy head” Jaemin chuckled and booped the nose of the newly awoken boy who scrunched it up and groaned in agony.  

 

“What time is it?” Renjun mumbled back, voice scratchy with bits of sleep still left behind. He fumbled around for his phone and Jaemin watched him with eyes full of amusement and adoration.

 

“It’s about 10:30 AM” Jaemin reached his arms over his head, satisfaction spreading like honey through his body at his joints popping back into place. His right arm had been cramping for about twenty minutes from Renjun sleeping on it but he didn’t need to know that.  “Exhausted weren’t you?” He added then looked back at Renjun, holding back a chuckle at the panicked look he was met with.

 

“10:30?? That means I’ve missed first AND second period already! Why didn’t you wake me up?”

 

Renjun whined and began scrambling to get out of bed, stray strands of hair sticking up like sprouts at the beginning of spring. He didn’t get far however, swiftly pulled back down under the covers by Jaemin’s arms around his waist and got trapped in his embrace.

 

“Jaemin let _go_ I’m not skipping classes!” he stressed and trashed back and forth with a scowl across his face, cheeks still a bit puffy from sleep.

 

“Babe, it’s _Saturday_ , calm down” Jaemin finally said and nuzzled himself into the back of Renjun’s neck, reveling in the way he could feel the smaller boy’s heartbeat pick up its pace at the action. Only Renjun would forget that it’s Saturday.

 

“Did-did you just call me _babe_ ” Renjun asked, usually soft voice higher in pitch from shame. Jaemin stopped his movements, a wide grin spreading across his lips. He hadn’t meant to do that but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it.

 

“Yeah, it just felt right”

 

Jaemin knew he might be overstepping some sort of line but there’s no going back now. And even if Renjun decides that Jaemin is a horrible person and that he never wants to see him again, it would be worth it for the way he could see the smaller hiding his rosy blush by pressing his palms to his cheeks and pretending to go back to sleep.

 

 

 

Knowing Jaemin made focusing in class way harder than it had been before the caramel haired boy had become a part of Renjun’s life. Renjun took pride in being a good student, back in China he was at the top of his class and even though the new language barrier in Korea made classes a lot harder he was still doing well in school. As long as he didn’t come home with anything less than a B, his parents minded their own business and Renjun could spend his time painting without worrying about getting a lecture for it. But as mentioned, Jaemin was making that routine a bit more difficult.

 

Renjun isn't a cliché. He wasn’t one of those school girls who zooned out in class, gazing out the window while thinking about Jaemin’s wide pearly smile, his soft warm eyes that shone of the perfect mix of cinnamon and mahogany and his hair seemingly effortlessly falling softly across his forehead, absolutely not. He was of course not denying the fact that his friend ( _friends? Was that what they were)_ was ridiculously attractive, because Jaemin was definitely a lucky bastard blessed with amazing genes and Renjun had caught himself thinking about his sweet smile one too many times.

 

The reason Jaemin was making focusing hard for Renjun however was his impatience. He and Renjun had 5 minutes left of this class, but his phone would _not_ stop buzzing with notifications. He knew it was Jaemin, his statement supported by the simple reason that Renjun didn’t have any other friends (sad but you shouldn’t sugar coat it. Renjun was a loner but it was by his own choice. He’d rather not go into further detail about why.) and even if he did only Jaemin would be childish enough to not be able to wait _five_ minutes.

 

Renjun glances at the clock hanging on the wall as he received three more texts. Four minutes left. That meant at least 15 more texts from Jaemin if he kept his pace up, which he most definitely would. Renjun didn’t have the energy to deal with that today so he threw a glance in the teacher’s direction and saw that he was busy explaining something to a student in the front far away from Renjun. With a quiet sigh he took out his phone to check the 8 messages Jaemin had managed to spam him with this far.

 

**Nana~~**

_hey junnie_

 

_junnieeeeeee_

 

_rennieeeeee_

 

_oh you’re trying to be a good student?_

 

_lol u nerd_

 

_i need to ask you something_

 

_so give me attention pls i feed off of it_

 

_babyyyyyyyyyyyy_

 

**Injunnie <3**

_what_

 

**Nana~~**

_you answered!_

 

_i knew using a pet name would work_

 

**Injunnie <3**

_just get to the point_ _we still have class_

 

**Nana~**

_ouch so cold ;(_

 

_anyways,,, cuddle session today?_

 

 **Injunnie <3**

_…_

_of course_

_now focus you asshat_ _you need this for the test_

 

Jaemin turned around in his spot at the front of the classroom to pout at him and Renjun rolled his eyes before pointing at the teacher who had begun writing on the board again. Jaemin’s scowl turned into a grin and to Renjun’s horror a wink was thrown his way before the younger turned back around. _Asshat._

 

 

 

“Oh, and did I tell you about this cute habit he has, whenever he’s focusing he does this little nose scrunch and I swear it’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!”

 

Mark, to Jaemin’s disappointment, didn’t start squealing along with him but instead merely gave him the most bored look he could possibly manage. It looked kind of comical since the dark clouds outside made his whole appearance look grey, along with the fact that he looked like he hadn’t slept in two days which unfortunately was very likely to be an actual fact.  

 

“How can you _not_ find that cute? Mark he’s literally an angel? Don’t tell me you think I’m making this up since he only ever scowls at you because-”

 

Jaemin was interrupted by Mark scoffing, a grin taking over his features as he shifted on his feet, arms crossed at his front.

 

“No Jaemin I do find it cute it’s just that this is the third time I’ve heard about it, _this week_ ”

 

Jaemin pouted slightly, that shouldn’t matter. If Donghyuck decided to _breathe_ Jaemin got to hear about it _at least_ three times a week and he still reacted to it everytime. Even though he was there to witness it since Donghyuck was in their group of friends but he was a _supportive friend._

 

“Oh! But did I tell you about what happens when I refuse to let him be the big spoon? It’s adorable he starts pouting instantly and I just want to-”

 

“Kiss him?” Mark finished for him with raised eyebrows, mischief present in his dark eyes.

 

“Yes! I mean-What? _No_ , no no no it’s not like that I don’t…” Jaemin trailed off, unable to finish his sentence. Mark observed him with an amused quirk of his lips, seagull-eyebrows still raised in a silent question.

 

“You don’t what…?

 

The gears in Jaemin’s brain physically turned and his eyes widened in horror, mouth slowly falling open. _Holy shit._ He repeated that out loud to Mark for good measure because _holy shit._ Mark’s grin grew annoyingly bigger as he patted Jaemin on the back before walking off towards his classroom.

 

“Congrats on finally figuring it out, I wish you the best of luck with that buddy”

 

Jaemin stood frozen in his spot for another few seconds before abruptly shaking his head to snap out of it. He put his hands in the pockets of his hoodie before stalking of to his own classroom. _No way, I don’t have feelings for him, Mark is wrong. Mark is always wrong._ Except he wasn’t this time and Jaemin knew it.

 

What he didn’t know however was that right behind the corner of where he and Mark had just held their conversation, stood a small boy with chocolate silk hair whose cheeks were on fire and heart thumping loudly in his chest.

 

 

Jaemin has no idea how he ended up in this situation. All he knows is that he’s _panicking_ which is not something he does often but right now his lungs are burning like he’s about to drown and his heart is beating loud enough to drown out the sound of what Renjun is currently trying to say to him.

 

The two had been studying at Jaemin’s house when suddenly _Renjun,_ not Jaemin, suggested they’d take a short break. Jaemin had been thrilled and swiftly flown out of his chair to take his place on the bed, propped up against the headboard waiting for Renjun to do his small routine of stashing away their notebooks. Except, Renjun didn’t tidy up after them this time. Instead, he turned around and looked right at Jaemin with something akin to determination shining in his dark eyes. As Jaemin in curiosity watched him come closer he noticed him fidgeting with the hem of the cream sweater he was wearing and also how etheral the smaller boy looked in the sunlight shyly peeking through the curtains. He was so busy unconsciously staring he startled slightly when Renjun suddenly got onto the bed in front of him, eyes still cautiously  trained on Jaemin with his hands in fists on top of his lap. Renjun takes a shaky breath, seemingly contemplating something and Jaemin figures he should probably say something but can’t seem to get his lips to move. Suddenly, as if someone hit the play button on the world again, Renjun climbs forward and seats himself on Jaemin’s lap, eyes cast downwards giving Jaemin a view of the crown of his head but nothing more.

 

That brings them to Jaemin currently trying to understand what Renjun is saying, doing his best at drowning out the sound of his own heartbeat surging through his ears.

 

“W-What” He croaks when Renjun looks like he’s waiting for an answer but Jaemin still doesn’t have any clue of what he said. Apparently he must’ve said something wrong because Renjun flinches slightly and looks back down at his lap, hands threading together then clenching and unclenching in discomfort.

 

“I-I overheard you talking to Mark yesterday…”

 

Jaemin barely registers the words, they sound far away as he realizes what Renjun’s talking about. He quickly reviews the conversation in his head and comes to the conclusion that he’s _screwed._ He opens his mouth to deny it, certain that Renjun is about to scold him with black walnut eyes on fire for getting involved emotionally when they agreed that this was just _cuddles_. However the words die on his tongue when he looks up to meet Renjun’s gaze only to find the other focusing on something else, lower down on his face. He’s looking at Jaemin’s lips.

 

Jaemin’s brain goes into overdrive. The sun reflecting over Renjun’s hair gives it a shade of rosewood and his usually dark eyes looks lighter, almost like maple syrup. The room is completely quiet, the afternoon free from rain for the second time that week. Jaemin can smell pancakes being made downstairs and the faint scent of old books and newly brewed coffee that always ran ahead of Renjun when he entered a room, like an excited pet. He got stuck on the the feeling of Renjun’s light weight across his lap, the other boy felt so fragile but also so strong, his presence was almost suffocating him. All of Jaemin’s senses are picking up the slightest things and his brain simply doesn’t have the capacity of keeping up. That’s why he doesn’t say anything, not even when Renjun’s eyes suddenly flicker back up to meet his, pupils dilated in fear. The older’s eyes widens bit after bit, the uncertainty and panic almost tangible in the air as it grows between them. Jaemin’s throat feel too tight and it’s like he’s forgotten his own language, that’s the only excuse he can come up with as to why no words fall from his lips even when Renjun’s suddenly scrambling off his lap, eyes wide in horror and mouth open slightly in shook. He can only stare and distantly miss the warmth of the smaller boy on his lap as a low string of apologies fall from the other’s lips and then, he’s gone.

 

The room echoes of silence. The posters on his walls stare down at him with disappointed eyes. His sunflower that is usually nodding in the wind shakes its head and suddenly there’s rain. _A lot of it._ A second later thunder rumbles outside and their town is back to it’s usual gloomy state.

 

It takes approximately five seconds for Jaemin’s brain to finally comprehend what just happened and scramble off his bed, getting tangled in the bedsheets on the way and almost falling. He stumbled down the stairs, earning a confused look from his mother in the kitchen, the smell off pancakes now making him sick to his stomach. Racing out the front door he stops in the middle of his driveway, rapidly getting drenched by the rain as he to his horror realizes. Renjun was gone.

 

 

Jaemin tries to call. Renjun doesn’t pick up. He tries calling using his mom’s phone. Renjun answers but quickly hangs up when he hears Jaemin’s voice on the other line. Jaemin tries to convince his mom that everything is fine by giving her a reassuring smile but he knows it doesn’t really reach his eyes.

 

Next day he tries to talk to Renjun in class. The _freezing_ gaze he gets in return makes him physically shiver and stumble backwards on his feet. He has never seen the other’s eyes so cold, no trace of the bubbly and cheery boy he learned to know is left. He tries once again when they walk past each other in the corridor but gets no further than _Renjun, please_ before the other has dashed off, the gust of wind biting at his skin even through the thick layers of clothes that Jaemin is wearing.

To his horror he realizes that this must be how everyone else sees the elder.

He then feels sick to his stomach.

He has become one of them.

 

After three days, Jaemin goes to Renjun’s house. His mother opens the door and offers him a sad and pitiful smile as she tell him than Renjun isn’t home, he’s at band practice.

Renjun doesn’t play any instruments.

 

After a week Renjun finally blocks Jaemin’s number. The last text Jaemin sent stares back, the _not delivered_ mocking him. _I like you Renjun, I’m an idiot._

 

 

 

Jaemin could slowly feel his fighting spirit fall. Renjun was impossible to get through to and no matter how many sleepless nights he spend wishing the smaller boy was there beside him, curled into his side would bring him back. The final drop was one day in school when Jaemin was sulking while pushing his food around on his plate.

 

Mark suddenly poked at his shoulder and Jaemin looked up to see what the older wanted. Across the lunch room was Renjun, eating his lunch with his usual scowl on his face. Except today there was someone with him. Beside him sat a blonde younger boy with a bright smile and eyes in crescent moon as he laughed loudly, the sound piercing through the sound of rain because of it’s high pitch. The boy seemed unable to sit still as he swayed back and forth, seemingly going on and on about something he found ridiculously amusing.

 

Jaemin merely stared at the pair for a while, the air seemingly vibrating as he see a small but clear smile raise to the older boy’s face. Renjun was… _Happy_.

 

Who was Jaemin to take that away from him when he so obviously had made the older upset enough to act as if they've never even known each other? Maybe Renjun was better off with that other kid as his friend and Jaemin just needed to move on? He faintly registered Jisung mumbling about how the younger kid apparently was Renjun’s little brother, but just barely because suddenly Renjun’s eyes flickered up to meet Jaemin’s. The thing was, staring into Renjun’s eyes is like a fierce autumn day distilled. Glowing maroon sun, red and yellow flickering into a gorgeous pool of warm brown.

An urge so big it was near impossible to resist caught fire inside of Jaemin. He just wanted to sprint across the cafeteria to the other boy, stop whatever this was and make everything okay. The smell of weeping willows suddenly made him dizzy and a rain cloud covered the sun as Renjun looked back down, breaking the first eye contact they’d gained in weeks. His face showed no trace of reciprocating the feelings storming inside of Jaemin and he slowly looked down at his lap trying to fight down the feeling in his stomach. If he’d known that the other boy would ultimately make him feel like this he would’ve never agreed to comfort the other on that horrible school trip. He should’ve never proposed the idea to Renjun, he should’ve known it was a road to getting his heart broken, but what a beautiful road it had been. It was impossible to resist and Jaemin knew that if he’d been able to go back he would make the same decision every time. A sad smile grazed his lips as he accepted his fate and finally began eating his now ice cold food.

 

Apparently the universe loves to screw with Jaemin’s life because as soon as he came to peace with his decision of leaving Renjun alone to find happiness somewhere else, fate apparently said _fuck it_.

 

He had finally begun to take care of himself again, choosing to do something about his mess of a room. There were clothes all over his floor, Renjun’s favorite hoodie to steal from him the only one hung over his chair. His desk was a mess of papers and notebooks, plates and glasses were scattered everywhere. His curtains were still closed and the room smelt stuffy, dim from the lack of natural light.

 

He pulled the curtains back and threw the windows open, a cold autumn breeze instantly blowing through the young boy’s thin layer of clothes. After that he carried all the dishes downstairs to put them in the sink and got started on sorting his clothes. When he only had his bed left he leaned down to pull out the random collection of things that had snuck their way under there and stopped with wide eyes at what he had found. There was a lot of dust and also a few more t-shirts but the thing that caught his attention was a piece of paper. He sat back on his soles and shivered at the air coming from the open window before slowly unfolding it with great care. A small gasp left his lips.

 

It was him. Or, a drawing of him to be precise.

 

His hair was long and falling over his forehead, free from any products and colored with incredible care and detail. A mix of mahogany, chocolate and maple syrup giving it the breathtaking illusion of swirls of caramel. His eyes looked big and childish, full of something scaringly similar to hope but also uncertainty. As if the person in front of him had the power to make him crumble with a single word. His lips were turned slightly upwards in a gentle smile, glossed over with pink making them look like bubblegum. The most amazing thing about the drawing however was his skin. The skin of the boy meant to be him wasn’t actually skin, it was made out of flowers. A stunning pattern of sunflowers, cherry blossoms and lilacs blended together to look frighteningly alike actual skin. A sea of yellow, pink and purple, easy to get lost in.

 

Jaemin was speechless. He didn’t even notice he was crying until a sole tear landed right under the eye of the drawing of him, slowly beginning its treek downwards across his cheek as the real Jaemin vigorously wiped the corners of his eyes to stop any more tears from falling and thereby ruin the beautiful pattern. A low laugh suddenly surprised Jaemin, causing him to startled until he realized it came from him. Fate was a _son of a bitch._ Outside his window the twilight of dusk lingered like a promise.

 

That night Jaemin fell asleep with the drawing carefully folded up and tucked under his pillow. It was his way to indirectly protect the boy on his mind from the ominous clouds outside his window, he was sure Renjun was curled up in fear on top of his bed right now. However his heart felt heavy with newfound determination. Renjun had always been like water in Jaemin’s hands, impossible to fully grasp. But tomorrow he was going to solve this once and for all, he owed it to Renjun. He wasn’t giving up on the older just like that.

 

 

 

A few blocks away from the sleeping Jaemin was another boy. A boy with hair flying like a gloria around his head in the harsh October wind. His petite frame was wrapped up in a simple cardigan, arms winding it as snug around himself as possible to gain just a bit of shelter from the ruthless wind. The howling wind hurt in his ears, accompanied by the papery sound of leaves getting trashed around.

 

The sky was still a clear blue where the sun was hanging onto the last grains of daytime, the rest of the sky the darkest blue you could possibly imagine. The kind of blue right before it turns into black. Clouds, either a light grey from the weak beams of sunlight or an ominous dark grey where the rain is threatening to fall were scattered across the sky like dark cotton candy. It’s the summer hanging on to life in west and autumn taking over its territory across the rest of the canopy.

 

The trees tall enough to reach the lower part of the sky doesn’t look like trees but shadows. They’re mere pitchblack silhouettes. It’s the kind of night that remind you that autumn has arrived for it surprises you with how dark the evening suddenly has gotten.

  
A sole star is lit, calling out anyone who’s feeling lonely in this particular moment. Renjun can certainly be classified as one of those people where he was pacing the dark neighbourhood. He wasn’t supposed to be out here but when his mom suddenly asked him where Jaemin was, something snapped. All the emotions he had been fighting down the past few weeks flooded him all at once and he needed to get out. He hadn’t been expecting his luck to be bad enough that a storm would appear, right when he had no idea of where he was.

 

Rain began falling from the sky like teardrops, at first lightly but then suddenly all at once and in a matter of seconds, the pitiful boy was drenched to the core _._ The tears across his cheeks that had dried into two tracks running down his smooth skin were now erased by the rain. His eyes stung, both from the rain but also from crying and Renjun could barely see where he was going. A sudden flash of white lit up his face, dark eyes widening in panic. He fell to the ground and clamped his hands over his ears but he could still _feel_ the vibrations. New tears began to fall and his lower lip trembled. _He missed Jaemin._

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! ily very much uwu and i promise i love renjun and jaemin so much like i broke my own heart writing that last part :´)
> 
> my twt @/dreamyhyuckie come yell at me about nct 
> 
> and i have the last part thought out i just need to write it down so expect it maybe next week???? since i need to study korean and so on im very busy (im not lmao)


End file.
